I wish i didn't want you but I'm helpless to resist...
I wish you wouldn't do this… like don't send me mixed signals, I don't like the
confusion that it brings. I'd rather have the honest truth even if it
hurts, because at least I wont have false hope to keep me hanging on.
When were together, I feel fine. Like I have no worries in the world,
nothing can bring me down. And I really love that, its one of the things that
makes spending time with you so addicting… but its when I'm at home
later that gets me.
I sit and think about everything and I wonder
whats going on with us? Its like were more than friends but less than
lovers. I don't know how you really feel, because YOU don't even know. I
wonder if you feel the same and your just scared or if you don't feel
anything for me at all. I don't understand why I'm so afraid to lose
you, when your not even mine? But the truth is I'm so afraid to care
for someone…period.
i know it seems like I'm this strong girl who
can get through everything, but inside me I'm fragile. I've had so many
things thrown at me, and each one has made a crack. What I'm afraid of
is shattering. I don't want you to be that last thing, the one to
shatter my world. I try to fight these feelings, everyday. It never
works though, the happiness that radiates from me when were together
is to tempting to resist.
I know that even if you do feel the
same, that its not that easy… that there's another persons feelings to
consider. And I do. He is special to me too, how could he not be? He was
in my life for so long… but I want to be happy. And he would want me
to be happy. I know he would. So why wont you let me know whats going
on? Do you care for me or not?
If your scared, its okay…. so am I.
It would be nice to know that I'm not the only one whos vulnerable. I
want this to work out, so badly. This secret is getting hard to keep,
like I want to tell someone how happy you make me. But there is no
one… so I keep it to myself. I deny my feelings for you when people
ask, because I know that it would complicate things. Especially if you
dont feel the same… and I lie and say were just friends, all the
while praying for you to give us a chance. Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because of your fear of rejection was to hard to handle? I have…....
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