I wish I could say that it ended just fine.

Woke up 4:10 in the morning feeling so uneasy. It's been so long since the last time I feel so disturbed like this....preoccupied by silence,chase by memories,haunted by dreams.

I have never been good in decoding message of love and so as relationships. often times i think ahead and manage to find flaws sometimes in others but mostly my own. Foretell the ending and go create the cause save myself and end up alone.

At this moment i can realize how coward i am telling I'm OK when i am actually not. Being happy with others happiness when it actually causes my misery. Am i that selfish?? To sigh is all i can do and convince myself for the second time around that: Some people are meant to fall in love with each other....but not meant to be together. A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.

What kills me? exactly like Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body says: "Neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things. Not to make the road wide for you, the table spread for you. To choose you out of habit not desire, to pass the flower seller without a thought. To leave the dishes unwashed, the bed unmade, to ignore you in the mornings, make use of you at night. To crave another while pecking your cheek. To say your name without hearing it, to assume it is mine to call."

I know I'm not easy I have a wandering heart and mind an unstable emotion.  As I lay to sleep again... I will stop searching for ever. I will let time pass by and comfort me with tears and smile. Hug me tightly with the warm and cold blowing breeze. Done with this drama peg, Leo in me unleashed now i feel better and i can not help my self, again, to be genuinely happy with someone's happiness.

My dream is slowly fading, its hopeless, its living for somebody else.

I sleep as much as I can now only to dream. Because only in my dreams will my heart be at ease and will I feel at peace and safe again in his arms. But I worry I’m being unfair to myself because my dreams are so far from reality as I wake up alone and he is no longer there. In my dreams I get to hold his hand and smother him with kisses all over and feel his warm skin on mine but now in reality if I was to even try that it’s pretty much illegal. 

The worst scar I have isn't from my self-inflicted cuts on my wrists, its in my heart from the pain of having love torn out of it in an instant. I suffer in silence, yet I scream the pain in every tear drop that falls on my pillow at night. 

All I do now is hold my own hand and pretend that my other hand is his and all that does is make me cry. What would you do and how would you feel losing something that is literally on your mind every single second of your day no matter where you are or what you are doing? what right do I have holding onto someone who just doesn’t want to feel me holding onto them? I know I’m not good enough to even hold your hand. I know I’m not woman enough to make you my husband.

 I don’t know what to do I know I won’t get anything out of writing this but I just wish you got married and she got to be with you every single day. She will  hold you in her arms and cuddle you from behind and kiss your neck and whisper in your ear how much she loves you. I really do love you more than anyone could ever love another person but I always wish your happiness if its not me maybe from someone else. I hope you smile every single day.

I believe in love, no matter how much it hurts sometimes. Love is not selfish, so forth it is thinking about others before you think about yourself. Though I don't deny being self absorbed, I win and stay blessed because I'm not selfish. There is a difference. I give, I live, I love.

Sometimes, we fabricate our emotions and wallow ourselves in a fog of tremendous sadness of jealousy and love without having to appear that we actually are as we put on a happy face, trying not to unmask our true identities, laying all along behind each of our own shadows. But how does anyone know exactly how to be happy in love? How does anyone know when to be? People will leave us in distress. We will be left alone, trying to survive along the way until we fall from our knees and accept our defeat. And it is in these moments that we have to drop the act, leave everything behind, unveil our true identity and reveal our true weak, scared, unhappy self. By then we will realize that happiness of our heart depends on the quality of our thoughts so let's guard it.

The only time I should fall on my knees for a guy, is the day I will tie my son's shoe-laces.

 The key to living the life we want is not by thinking what could have been but picturing what can be and discovering the courage within.

 

I hate remembering what we had and how I lost it but I guess I need to be strong and deal with it. Looking back I remember the feeling that I cant keep my focus as I watch you talk, walk, in your simplest gestures-you didn't notice.  In silence I fall for you...In silence I've learned to let you go.

 

Well, the past should be something I look back at with a smile because I have grown from it, not frown at because it still shackles us. Reality check: when you try NOT to fall for that person, you end up falling HARDER. 

 

I decided to walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close gaps from the yesterday. I've learn to walk away from this situations before it blossoms. In the past I've been in way too many places when I knew I should've BEEN left.

 

Thank you for the memories, for making me FEEL beautiful, making me feel wanted, for Making me who I am. Thanks for everything. Realizing today I woke up and I can move freely, that's a blessing

 

Allowing happiness to reign is my choice not a dependent factor. I give full permission to enjoy all of my life. I am prettiest when I'm HAPPY.

The moon is out, and the sun has set. And while the sun has set, so does the light of my day...

The cloudy sky reminds me of the days I’d sit and think about you, how’d I’d try and write songs, write anything. But nothing came out. It also reminds me about how thinking of you would make my day brighter and bring sunlight into my window. Now that’s all gone, you’re gone, there’s nothing that makes me want to wake up in the morning, or fall asleep in the night. But, don’t worry about me, I’m just fine. Only one person is worth your tears, and I can’t cry over you, because I haven’t even met anyone else yet. Doors close so others can open, and they keep closing till you find the right room. Seeing you with another girl, is going to break my heart until I have no heart left. But I said the same thing before, then you came along and picked up the pieces and put them back together. So there will be another person who will soon come and help me put it back together, but I gave away part of my heart to you, and I might never get it back. You painted me a fairytale, you made me believe everything impossible could happen, you filled me up with dreams that I thought would never come true, you filled in every detail and made me open my heart to you. Then you slowly erased it, day by day, I could feel everything fading to black. I didn’t say anything because my fear consumed my body and words couldn’t come out. Now it’s all gone, I’m left with a blank canvas for someone else to paint. You never cared. Don’t bother lying.

Us friends are each others heart, soul, fun, laughter, tears, love and life.

Kevin

 If WE need someone to tell us that we are beautiful and if we need  help in  solving all of our boys issues from a guys point of view. We need someone like our ITIK who can act like an older brother, but keep secrets like a best friend. Who can laugh, have fun with and entertain us in the most childish spirit.

  Whenever we look at him we smile, he makes us laugh and we love talking with him. We think about him all the time and can’t focus cause his on our mind thinking his next big trouble and disaster and the remedies for that crazy, silly actions. He is always there for us, we talk all the time. We think that its a perfect idea growing up with him. We get jealous when he talk to other girls ( actually it depends on our mood ) and we want him to talk to us instead ( we are really possessive of him ). 

     Why we choose to have him in our life: Less drama. More fun. The feeling of being secured. Protective in a good way. Hilarious. Trustworthy. Worries too much. Patient. Comfortable to be with. Sometimes he is a little bit stupid and can tease you a lot but still he can manage to make us smile at our worst.

  

If he falls for her, We are falling off a cliff because the only thing worse than seeing him with somebody else, is seeing him get hurt by somebody else. We'd rather be stabbed directly in our heart, than feel his heartache. 

Jasmer

    "Sorry I'm Taken"  I'm actually single but my heart is  taken by Korean / Japanese celebrity. - her usual drama. I love how we talk everyday in silence with her innocence. We talk, we laugh, we smile  and eat together (in her own expense) with each others heart break. Without discussing anything, only your  friend knows what you think and feel. 

     
 In her own little world sometimes we wander. Gifted with intelligence we feel like an alien by her side. She sometimes speaks in Korean or Japanese language out of the blue with her serious face needless to say this scenario really crack us down - “woooah” “aigoo” “aiissh”. 

     
 She is someone who never gets tired of listening to our pointless dramas over and over again  and never failed to give a harsh comment without realizing how painful really it is for us. Therefore we realize that true friendship is all about trusting each other, helping each other, loving each other, criticizing each other and being crazy together. No one can be true to you and insult you like your real friend. People see the side you want them to see. Real friends see through the charade.

      When you leave...we will stay here. When you create tears...We will bring cheers!!!  We will help you keep moving forward 'coz your happiness is our success. We love you wide. We love you deep and if someone breaks your heart we are sure to break his face. Who needs a fairytale? If w can all live happily ever after.

Shirley

     With a playful and meaningful smile we think she knows all the simple things no one else notices about us. Dance diva crazy she is. Smitten by others love life ...she failed to have one...sHE is brOKen.

     Every time she stares blankly, that becomes our greatest challenge. We have learned that being a friend is not just listening when words are spoken, but hearing and feeling even when there is nothing but silence.She is really sensitive and weak but pretends to be strong.

 When someone’s brought into your life and changes it for the better, don’t let them slip away, never gone with the wind. 

    
 Dance with the life tune...sing with the rhythm of the song. With her manly - low voice we are sure she can make it through it all. Let's swim through the sea of possibilities, giggle like a high school student.

     Seeing you smile without any reason means a thousand things, a thousand little whispers from the heart. It is just a little simple gesture, but in all honesty, it’s something we love to see. If someone takes that away from you tell us "who's butt do we have to kick" ...like "what can we do to make you smile again?".

Jayne

     Born with positivity and confidence this girl taught us to "aim high and shoot fire".  With her contagious spirit, things becomes easier for us realizing that when we share laughter, it’s twice the fun. When we share problems, it’s half the pain. When we share tears, a rainbow follows the rain. When we share secrets, it is our hearts we reveal. We see, what draws everybody closer and makes us all care is not what we have, but the things we share.

She is the person who will make you look at the mirror and even if you see flaws she will tell you that she can only see beauty, a good way to boost your self esteem isn't it?

     Let us be your umbrella. We will shelter you from the rain; let us be your teddy, We will hug you when you are in pain; let us be your hunky, we will dry your tears. Let us be your friend and we will never go away. We will always be your family when everyone seems so far away.

  

    Friendship, a simple word isn’t it? It’s uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. We used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to but as our friendship grows we realized that they are also the people who can touch your heart. Whom you could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them.They don’t judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with.

   
  We all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs, and smiles. We are tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. Most of the problems in any friendship arise if the friendship is founded out of wrong reasons like neediness, emotional dependence, attraction, lack of social validation or even solely on positive emotions because all of these are temporary.  We really don't believe in coincidence we really do feel like our lives are connected somehow. We always have the same problems in life at the same time. We were brought together to help each other out. We hope that we will always be friends as the world fascinates us with friendship.

Lead me with strong hands. Stand up when I can’t. Don’t leave me hungry for love… I can’t do this alone.

Dear Future Hubby,

I want you to feel appreciated each and every day that I’m with you. I want to show you really just how much I love you. I want to walk around and hold your hand because I’m proud to be with you. I want to plan little impromptu picnics in the park for just us two. I want to call you every night and tell you that you mean the world to me. I want to always let you know that, in my eyes, you ARE perfect. I want to lose track of time while doing nothing with you. I want to wake up early and make you breakfast. I want to lay in bed with you and sing to you. I want to wrestle with you, but I probably won’t let you win. I want to kiss you in the most crowded place we can find because again, I don’t care who sees because I love you. I want to protect you when you need me to and have your back when you hold your own. I want to show you the good things in life. I want to go on mini adventures with you. I want to show you that it’s okay to take chances. I want to woo you with terrible pick up lines when you’re feeling down. I want to slow dance with you to the music of your choice. I want to show you new music. I want to go discover new places with you. I want to stay up all night watching movies and laughing with you. I want to learn from you. I want to take care of you. I want to make you laugh at inappropriate times. I want to be the one you think of before you fall asleep at night, because that’s what you are to me. I want to open your eyes to new things, beliefs, and experiences. I want to spend the rest of my days with you and grow with you. Life without you just isn’t the same and I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to have by my side. I will always accept you for who you are and love you no matter what. I want to gain your trust and have your family accept me. I want them to feel like I’m the best choice for you and that I’ll never let you down. I want them to know that when their son is with me that he is in safe hands and that he will be happy for the rest of his life. I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove to them, the world, and most importantly to you that I’m the best choice and that I’ll love you always and forever.

Love,

Your Future Wifey. 

Sampung mga daliri, kulang ng lima. Hinanap ko, hinanap ko, hawak mo pala.

Us girls…..

1. Inborn ang pagiging MOODY.  Ang emotion naming parang roller coaster….minsan nasa taas asin high na high….minsan naman nasa baba lugmok na lugmok…muntanga lang. Kaya wag kang magpapansin… Caution: BEWARE!!!

2. MATAMPUHIN…..walang salita salita..ikotikot lang ang eyeballs…. Kunwari tumitingin somewhere..pero satotoo lang…Hey BOY utang naloob magLAMBING ka naman!!! Kahit konting yakap at kiss lang dyan…kahit sa noo (lola inspired) Pwede na….. pa add na rin ng I LOVE YOU <3 <3 <3 Kilig much na.

3. Music saming ears ang kahit konting- COMPLIMENT. Naloloka kami kapag pinupuri kami… kahit joke lang…Ex: Wow!!! Ganda mo naman ngayon..yung pisngi ganda ng blush. Parang blooming ka today!!! OMG!! Kilig much na…hey yo!!!  Buhatin mo selfconfidence ko….. makulay ang buhay!!!!

4. Reply sa text….OK lang….WALA…. be sensitive naman… my golly!!! Pag naging sersyoso na kami Haller!!! Something is wrong na noh. Kapag ganun, may nagawa kayong di namin nagustuhan. Kaya be alert. Wag kayong nagpapaniwala masyado samin konting pilit lang aariba na kami….syempre shy-shyan naman ang drama ever naming. Kaya pilitin mo ko pilitin mo ko ang peg namin. inyo.

 5. SELOSA as in!!! kaya back-off…..mga babaeng yan harot..harot ikaw din !! di mo lang alam…may world war 3 na natumatakbosa isipan namin!!! As in maDUGO.. . para  to keep our self beauty parin COLD WAR lang ang kaya naming ibigay. Kaya iwas iwas naman dyan. Gusto mo ba maDEADS???

6. Kaming mga babae, normal lang ang ma-ATTRACT sa mga gwapo actually kahit sa cute lang keribells na: Hanggang tingin lang naman ang X-ray vision eyes namin. Sadyang na aapreciate lang naming ang beauty ng universe!!! Kasi baka hindi na naming makita. Magpapasuya lang J).  Ma-attract man kami sa countless number ng papables…., ang puso namin ay para lang sa nagiisa naming mahal. Parang Karma lang naman no….. kayong mga lalaki kapag nakakita ng maganda at sexy para naman na kayon na babaliw..RIGHT???

7. Ayaw namin sa RUSH…maylakad???? Ang ligawan samin kailang smooth…suave….hindi nag mamadali!!! High school?? Elementary??? TIME IS GOLD!!!  Na ahhhhh….. Ka irritate lang huh. Be patient naman….inaaralpa naming kasi kung kanino naming ibibigay ang fragile heart namin. Yung kayang mag handle with care.

8. In times of SADNESS and SILENCE…. Oh My Gowd!!! Pa power HUG naman… shocksssss…nakakaHIGH na yun parang drugs. Para na kaming carry ng ANGEL. Yung kiss Bonus na lang yon…kung mapipilit at generous ka naman…hehehe…give mo na.

9. RESPECTFUL and PROTECTIVE …shooty na kaka inlove kaya ang mga boys na ganito…even kahit mukha silang rude.. pero if we feel this from them…pogipoints talaga. Parang Hey Mr. Gentleman!! You RockMy World!! :P Yung tipong pag ayaw namin magpa-kiss, hindi niyo gagawin. Instead, lalambingin ka na lang sa ibang paraan. Ang pinaka gusto naming kiss, kiss on the forehead. It symbolizes, respect daw at parang sabi din you are safe with me!!! Kilig to death lang.

10. Guys mas be BRAVE lang talaga…. Regardless of our face-value…social status or whatever… Ayaw namin sa lalaking hanggang text lang: Kung mahal niyo talaga kami, Scream nyo sa world!!!.  EFFORT…EFFORT lang dude. Wag yung sa text ..chat..chat…lang parang joke lang kasi…walang emotions. Pwede rin call us nalang… thru skype para may video…..(secret natin dalawa…SAVOGGG na yun) J) parang princess lang. speaking of tapang tapang….Introduce nyo kami sa family nyo at friends,…. Kasi feelingera lang kami na kami yung pinaka maswerteng babae sa mundo. Kasi iilan lang ang lalaking naglalakas loob na ipakilala kami kahit nakakahiya lang ang AWKWARD!!!. At feeling din namin angkin na angkin na namin ang isang lalaki dahil nakilala na namin ang mga taong bumubuo sa buhay nila.

11. DRAMA queen… We can play a lot of roles lang talaga. Funny kasi Magaling kaming mag-pretend: Kapag nasasaktan kami, nagpapaka-manhid kami. Kapag may nakitang di maganda, nagbubulagbulagan kami. Kapag may narinig na mali, nagbibingibingihan kami. Pero kapag mag-isa nalang kami, BREAKDOWN and CRY lang ang emoticons…dun kami naglalabas ng sakit, pighati at hinagpis. Kaya ang we always make pangarap sa lalaking sensitive enough sa mga sentiments namin. Yung kayang magtanong hanggang sa umamin kami. Kaya kaming patawanin kahit hopeless na ang case.